In the spirit of celebrating good’s triumph over evil (Shubho Bijoya!) here’s a short and sweet newsletter with a list of things that have helped me professionally as I try to heal personally.
5 things that no one tells you about the writing process (because it’s embarrassing af.)
There will be days when you will question everything about your skill- right from your ideologies and values to brands that you work for, people who you support and the side of the story that you wish to share. Should you really be talking about brat green when diabetes is on the rise? Does it really matter which bar paid its way to the award list when a live genocide is unfolding on our phone screens? Is it tone-deaf to write about luxury getaways when homes are being bombed around the world? But bills need paying, and that article on overpriced cocktails is what’s keeping the lights on. You start to wonder if you're writing for art or survival. Self-doubt creeps in, and that voice in your head telling you that you’re writing only to stay relevant keeps getting louder. You scroll through social media, seeing other writers land your dream gig, and suddenly every word you’ve ever written feels hollow. That inner critic gets louder, questioning not just your skill, but your very purpose as a writer.
But here’s the good news- it’s all part of the ride. Question away, because doubting means you care enough to get it right.
There will be days when you will feel disconnected from your writing. Your ideas will feel distant, or the words on the page in front of you won’t express the depth of emotions within you. Deadlines and feedback may seem like a routine chore, and you will be overwhelmed with this nagging feeling of inadequacy. But here’s the thing- disconnection creeps in when we proritise production over creation. The more time you spend doom-scrolling, the more you start second-guessing your intentions- are you writing for yourself or are you writing what people want to read? You scroll through endless opinions, think pieces, and hot takes, and all of a sudden it feels like your own voice has been drowned out. You stare at a blank page, wondering what to write about. And this isn’t because you lack ideas, but now you’re unsure which ones are yours. But here's the truth- the only way to reconnect is to start writing anyway. Write whatever comes to mind, let the words flow without thinking about the end result. You may write several disjointed paragraphs that may end up being writing prompts for the future, or you may leave it after two sentences. Write anyway, because showing up is the only way you will learn to trust yourself again.
There will be days when comparison will take over. You’ll find yourself scrolling through social media, seeing updates from friends who seem to be flying high while you’re stuck on the ground. You’ll see projects being taken up by others, and you’ll think about how you could have done it better, but knowing that your name isn’t on that project will make you question your worth. You’ll wonder what’s wrong with you, slowly leading yourself into a downward spiral. The simplest things will set you off- your friend sharing news of a win can make you feel like you don’t have enough. Colleagues celebrating a project will have you resenting them for leaving you out. Your partner complimenting someone else’s work will be misinterpreted as you’re not good enough to deserve the same. A mistake highlighted by a well-wisher will make you hold back from writing your next piece. Insecurity will slowly start to ruin your life.
As cliched as it may sound, it is in these moments that your unique perspective shines through, so I am going to repeat what I said in #2 - write. Get back to your words. Just because something is already done doesn’t mean that there is no other way of doing it. Mark Twain once said “There is no such thing as a new idea” and I say this to myself at least once every day. The more you read, the easier it gets for you to tell the sources of the big idea that the internet is going ga-ga about, and my simple advice to you is to read more. It’s a huge exercise in confidence building.
“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible...We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” - Mark Twain
You’re not working for that by-line, you’re building an archive. In a world where everyone is constantly sharing their accomplishments online, it may feel like you’re not doing enough ground-breaking work. I hope you understand that showing up means that you’re building an archive of your experiences, thoughts, creativity and documenting your growth. This journey includes the silent battle that needs to be fought against those instant dopamine hits social media has got us habituated to. What you create today will become the foundation of your legacy, and I hope you allow that legacy to be filled with stories that reflect your true growth. When you feel lost, take a pause to tune in to your mind. Then, write your values down in post-it notes and keep them nearby. Your archive will speak volumes in a few years. You’ve got to be more patient with yourself.
Your writing needs feedback, and sometimes this feedback can be painful. It may make you feel that you’re not good enough, especially if it’s coming from those who you look up to. But do you really wish to be surrounded by those who only fake-worship your work, or would you rather have someone who respects you enough to help you grow?
When you receive advice, you’re being shown a different POV that you wouldn’t have seen on your own. When you are being asked to give feedback, you’re getting an opportunity to strengthen your critical thinking skills. The more practice you have giving feedback on other people’s writing, the easier it is to gain that critical distance from your own writing.
Including this in my self-talk helped me deal with feedback at a very sensitive time in life. I had not written anything in months because I kept thinking about what others would think when they’d read my sad, repetitive words. I couldn’t help thinking about those negative comments that my writing had received. This made me desperately look for validation from those close to me, and upon finding none I spiraled further. I was stuck in a cycle of constant comparison, and the desire to lie in bed and give up was extremely tempting. Therapy helped, so did talking to my close friends. Point is, feedback isn’t a bad thing. Feedback will help you grow if you change your perspective. It will also help you be less co-dependent in your personal life. Learn to take criticism with a grain of salt while nurturing the relationships that make you feel seen.
Sometimes I wonder why some of us obsess over these negative thoughts and experiences. Why is it so easy for my closest people to say “I forget, I forgive” and here I am, feeling terrible about everything that has ever happened with me? It really hampers professional growth too. I was pointed to an article that spoke about the psychological mechanisms behind this tendency to ruminate, and it helped me feel…seen? The article emphasizes the negative impact of persistent rumination on mental health, provides insights into recognizing these patterns and offers strategies for overcoming this cycle. You can read the full article here.
A small list of glimmers
"The Art of Travel" by Alain de Botton delves into the philosophical reasons behind why we travel and what we seek from our journeys. The book explores the intersection of travel, art, and the human experience, and invites readers to reflect on their own desires when they step out to see the world. I advice keeping a highlighter handy, the book is filled with gems for those who love to slow travel.
A bad day doesn’t seem so terrible when a good song comes on. This song was a temporary relief on a day that had me moving on auto-pilot. It cleared the fog for a few minutes, making me feel *something* again.
Some things that have been great for my brain chemicals on difficult days- focused reading, walks, naps, keeping my phone away and speaking to my partner, keeping my phone away in general, switching on the Focus Mode/ DND Mode on the phone. I won’t include workouts and chores in this list because I am talking about the bad, BAD days. And honestly, nothing is as restorative as my favourite mental-health practice-staying off social media. Okay, I pop in every once in a while to see how everyone is doing, but staying away for a few hours helps me realise how calm I feel, and I end up extending this to a few days every now and then.
Goal setting for the festive season: saying NO to plans that require me to put in so much mental effort to keep people happy that I push myself deeper down this dark hole of despair.
Does anyone have any tips for great gifts this festive season? Something thoughtful, not your ordinary run-of-the-mill ideas. Reply to this email to share your recommendations!
Happy holidays! 🥂
Good writing :)