How about we slow down for a minute?

Summer plans - breaking up with stress.

Self-care is so personal, but sometimes I feel we’ve all been so loud about it that we’ve set a template for what self-care must look like. Yes, you’re doing it right, but you’re not doing it our way- that’s what Instagram influencers seem to be talking about, and that I feel dismisses the seriousness of self-care. And don’t get me wrong, I love that we’re talking about it on social media. I do like the fact that massages, face masks and naps are considered self-care, my friend even wrote a lovely newsletter about it, but what I find uncomfortable is this need for self-care to be so loud. 9-step skincare routines, colour-coded planners, green shakes, clean sheets, gorgeous curtains, dust-free shelves, empty laundry piles, the works. If someone has great skin and a pretty house, they’re automatically acing self-care. You can picture a match drink in their hand too, and avocado toasts for “brekkie”.

I know why this makes me uncomfortable. I want to do all of this and more, but I am exhausted. I don’t have it in me to clean up my space and make it Instagram friendly. I can’t manage to do laundry every other day. My bedsheets look great, let me be happy about the fact that I change them once every week. I barely manage to show up for therapy, physiotherapy, massage appointments and workout classes, but I think I do a decent job trying to balance that with a demanding work schedule. Point is, I am exhausted. And no productivity hack can fix this bone-deep tiredness. And it’s not like the work will ever decrease, or that the opportunities will ever stop. There’s always going to be something that I want to say yes to, but there will come a point where my body will slow down for me, forcing me to say “no” to work. Do I want that again? Hell no, it took me so much time to gain back my confidence, why am I falling into the productivity trap again?

So…what’s wrong? Nothing really, or at least nothing that can’t be managed. But I know when something isn’t right. I feel overstimulated by the chaos of traffic and can't travel without earphones to block out the noise. Loud sounds irritate me, I feel uncomfortable when I’m touched without warning, and I can't handle the energy of big gigs or crowded events, even though I still want to. Socialising feels draining. I constantly feel like I'm putting in all the effort to engage and be emotionally present, and it’s exhausting.

My stomach's been super sensitive. Random waves of tiredness hit me, and I can't get out of bed on days when I don't have work. My weekends are spent stressing about not being able to relax, and I’m skipping meals because there's no time to eat (there is, there always is, but being overwhelmed by tasks makes me freeze.) The constant bombardment of notifications doesn’t help, social media is difficult to navigate and once when I checked Slack I froze, and forgot what to do. I need a crying break every day to reset.

I’ll get better and do a good job at my job if I learn how to navigate this space between my mind, body, and everything else. And that’s my plan for the summer.

malloryrowan

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So I am taking a strategic time-out to give my mind and body a break. It’s made me feel so uncomfortable, and so guilty. But unfortunately I have seen what burnout looks like and I can tell when I’m getting close to it again. And boy oh boy, it does strike a huge blow to your confidence too. I don’t think I have it in me to build again, so I might as well slow down, and focus on my wellness.

mind.psy.guidance

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For someone who chose freelancing, entrepreneurship and a gig-worker lifestyle, a career is so much more than earning money. It is closely tied to my identity, which is why it’s even more important for me to create a healthy work-life balance. Abby Rawlinson explained this so well here-

therapywithabby

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And this is why stress affects all factors of life. It will make you feel inadequate. It will increase your self-doubt, and ability to make decisions with confidence. It will make you feel like a failure, like you’re not good enough to follow a path. And don’t even get me started on the physical symptoms- quick , shallow breathing, a sense of doom that takes over your life, loss of appetite, you forget what it’s like to laugh out loud, random aches and pains, stomach troubles, cholesterol, fatigue…stress manifests in strange ways, and I don’t think we’re ready to take it seriously enough.

Even for those who work full time jobs, it’s not easy juggling work pressure with responsibilities at home, and keeping up with relationships. We’re talking about maximising productivity while building work environments that make people sick. I would highly recommend watching this documentary to understand the link between work and creative satisfaction, something I also spoke about in my previous newsletter.

There’s another thing- FOMO. It’s like the villain we all love to hate. I find myself trapped in this race, and even though I am talking about breaking out of it, it’s a constant work-in-progress and there are some choices that I am making that are led by FOMO. I am trying, but I’m only human. I open one app, I check the notifications, I check another one, close it, click on another notification and get distracted, and after five minutes of this I can tell I’m overwhelmed. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t look away.

*on a lighter note*

kendallroylookingsad

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y.d.a.a

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Here’s the real truth: the idea is to get back to feeling okay, and honestly? That might be all that matters.

therapywithabby

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A reminder for those who need it.

liztranwrites

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Currently I am in search for the quiet, effortless moments that actually made life feel softer.

Here’s to taking a leap of faith again, this time to rest, and choose wellness.

cutethingscore

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